2nd April 2011, 4th September 2011, 24th September 2011 and 3rd March 2012 is the most memorable day for me.
I went for One Encounter Camp at Peace Heaven Genting Highlands at 2nd March. It is a three days two nights camp. This camp is for all of us relax and encounter our Jesus papa.
First night we didn't do anything much, just check in and rest. The second day morning we had breakfast and started to pray, After that we played station games. The games all are very challenging and enjoyable =)
At night is the most enjoyment time. We have second prayer session. This time, I really heard what Dear Lord told me, he deeply touched into my heart. That feeling is so so good. All of us was crying so badly. We all hope that GOD can heal our heart for the past memories and past scar that hard for us to forgive and forget.
I was also crying, my mind just keep flashing back the past relationship memories that I had with Gurmit. The more I flashed back, the more I cried. All my tears came out. All the time i taught I already let go, but when I was at the camp, I realised that I haven't forget even though i ady forgive him.
This memories and scar still with me, and I was scared to face another relationship that will come to me. Cause I will wonder what will happened if I fall in love again? Will I be hurt like past relationship? Will I strong enough to face all the problems? All this question always in my mind and heart all the time.
When the Pastor Jonathan said " those who have the scars in their heart and hard to forgive and release, please come in front, We will pray for you with the name of Jesus, Jesus will heal you" , I know this is the right time for me to seek for GOD for healing.
I am just a human, I don't have power to erase all the pain. But with GOD, HE can heal me, I deeply believe in Jesus. I went in front of the stage and bow down with those sis and bro who came in front also. Everyone of us have our own pain memories, and we all cried.
All the seniors pray for everyone. My leader - Rachel Ong Zu Yin, she came and hug me. I just remembered when she hug me, I kept crying so loud and my tears already make her clothes wet, but we still hugging each other. She asked me to stay until the senior come and pray for me. I keep staying there, crying crying and crying because that time I alreday started to dig out all the pain memories, keep flashing back the past love relationship.
Until Mr Jackson came and pray for me. He asked about my problem and I told him. He put his hand on my head and pray for me.
He wanted me to say this " Lord, Kelly come in front of you to seek forgiveness from you. Please bare my mistake from the past, please heal my heart, please help me release the pain in my mind and heart. Lord, with the name of YOU, I will forgive the people who hurt me, I will let go the past love relationship and I will keep pray for Gurmit and may GOD always bless him"
When I heard this, I refused to say this. I was trying to fight against with my mind and heart. My heart said forget and let go, but I refused to let go. It is like a war in myself. Mr Jackson hold me tightly and asked me to say the word above. He told me, JESUS will listen to your word and HE will guide you to release the pain. He told me I have to say it if i really want to have a new life.
After Mr Jackson talked to me, I no more against. I speak out loudly the words. After the moment I say finished, I shouted loudly. I shouted loudly because I was release the pain out from my mind and heart.
Everyone also shouted loudly.
After that I stand up and go back to my place, that time I saw Grace, she also crying. She saw me and came to hug me. That time I feel so relief after shouting and crying in front of the stage.
It;s not easy for me to let go everything as I really love him and hard to forgive him. When I tried to release in front of the stage, I feel so painful, it's like someone using knife to stab me. It's so hard for me to dig out the pain that hide deeply in my heart.
I already firgive him long time ago, now I have to learn how to forget.
When Mr Jackson bless me with this words " May Jesus hear kelly prayer, and may Jesus guide her for healing and forgiveness. May Jesus bless her for the next love relationship that will come to her, AMEN!" I cried again, because all this while I really got pray, pray that one day Jesus will bless me a right guy that Jesus want me to be with.
That night, I can feel that Jesus tell me that " Dear, I will guide you and you will forget the past. I will bless you for the next relationship but first thing I want to let go the past and forgive the past.
I really heard this word, this word is what JESUS want me to hear. HE want me to release all the pain and memories. I am the new Kelly with no past.
And i was shocked that I can say the words that bless Gurmit. All thanks to JESUS for guiding me.
That night is 3rd March 2012, is the day where i release the pain.
2nd April 2011 - is the day where I accept Jesus as my Savior in my life.(start in a relationship with JESUS)
4th September 2011 - is the day where i register my name for baptism. (Engage with Jesus).
24th September 2011 - My Baptism Day ( Married to Jesus, my wedding day )
3rd March 2012 - The day Jesus help me to release my painess and guide me for forgiveness.
JESUS, thank you for your love and care all the time. I belongs to YOU forever. May YOU bless me always =)
Still got one month will be our 1st year anniversary, I will celebrate together with YOU. Really happy to have YOU in my life, JESUS. =) <3 <3
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