Past Memories

Don't know why suddenly past memories keep coming into my mind this few days. I always tell myself that I have forgotten it and already throw it very far away.  Unfortunately it still hiding deep in my heart.
Haha, it's so funny. After one year healing time, that memories that so important to me still in my mind, my heart.

I think i won't forget it, cause it contains happy,anger and sadness. I still miss u dear, i admit it, I still miss u alot. Do u know that, i dream about you recently. I remember that dream, we are so sweet together inside the dream.

Even though I miss u lot, but there is one for sure is I will not get back with u again. Sorry for that, I prefer to keep the memories inside my heart rather than get back together with u again.  I don't trust u and don't trust love. I wanna protect my heart.

As I told myself, i just wanna concentrate my studies and take care of my family :) But no matter where I go, I will still miss u. I will still remember what is your favorite food, drinks, color and what you dislikes. I also still remember your habbits, everything abt u. Don't worry my dear, I will keep praying for u and ur family. I love u dear, wish u be happy forever, u will always be at my praying list. :) Take care of urself, and I also will stay happy forever :)

June 22 2012

An regular Friday, I went to church to meet my bro and sis after long time. I didn't aspect that they will welcome me with two boxes of sushi, my favorite food :D I feel so touched :) Tmmrw I going to Midvalley hang out with my friends, I told myself that, this time I have made a decision to enter Koir team at my church. I know that this is a good choice for me, because I like to sing. I know that my voice is not that good, but I can learn. This is my interest, so I an not gonna to give up again. This time I want to be brave and be confident to chase my dream. I know I can do it! :))

I went to church on Saturday 5th of May. They having normal service which we usually attend. Our Pastor Jonathan was not there cuz he is injured. He fell down from the staircase in his home, so Saturday service was lead by Pastor Daniel Choong. He talked to us many things that time. We having M4J(Maylaysia for Jesus) on June 6 to June 9 2012.This M4J is very important to us cause it a healing time for everyone of us. This M4J will go on four days from morning till night. Morning and afternoon will be held in our church, night will be held at Bukit Jalil Stadium outdoor carpark. This M4J not only our church attending, many church from Indonesia, Taiwan and Singapore are attending for this event. Taiwan Praise and wordship team - Joshua band, Vannesa Wu, SiEn and Jovi Theng are coming to this event too. I know that, I must get ready for this M4J. Even though I know I will be very tired that time since it from morning till night and go on four days, but i know that this M4J will be special to me. Cause it's my time to go and pray to God. Just can't wait for M4J. It's already one year plus since I became a christian. My relationship with Jesus already one year plus, just can't believe that. I know that Jesus will always stay by my side, I also wanna be the same. I won't stop praying to Jesus and I won't stop get closer to HIM. Because of HIS blessing, I am satisfied and happy with my life, thank you Jesus. I saw one quote yesterday in facebook. This quotes said that "My daughter, no man can ever claim you unless he claims you from ME. I reserved a man for you who has MY heart and love ME even more than he will love you. Soon you will know him. I have the perfect time. You're my princess, my daughter. Let no prince claim you unless he ask you from MY hand for I am your Father, the King of kings. You, my princess, are worth loving and deserves a prince." When I saw this quotes, I smiled. I know that one day I will meet my love in church. Jesus will bless me one love relationship that HE want me to have. Soon, I will meet it :) <3 Jesus, our relationship will last forever. Thanks for everything Jesus. I am so happy in Your Kingdom <3 <3 <3

A phone call from my dear.

Yesterday when I was online, suddenly my gf called me. Hahaha, it's grace. We always call each other gf and bf :P

She called me, her voice sound different. Just like after crying. I asked her what happened, and she told me about her problem.

I remembered she told me before that she had a elder brother, but he is not staying with her. Her elder brother is staying with her real father. She told me, her brother really sayang her alot, always play and company her and also always protect her.

She really love her elder brother alot. They got separated when her mum divorce with her dad. Dad want the son and give her to her mum. Since that day, she lost the contact with her elder brother. Until now she still searching for her elder brother.

When I heard this, I feel so sad for her. Really sad. She look so cheerful and active always, who will know that she have a tragedy story behind her smile. Grace very close to me, we always hug each other when have problem. Yesterday she told me that she wish that I am beside her, so that she can hug me.

I know why both of us so close, cuz we really understand each other very well. We not even be friend for one year and see how close we r.

I told her keep praying and have strong faith to JESUS, HE will surely guide her go through all the pains. I love everyone at my church, cuz that's my second home. Even though I have how many problems in my life, I know that my church have solution for me. Cause there have lots of my bro and sis leading and company me :)

Grace, is one of the sis who very close to me. She love me and I love her too =)

She is a strong girl, I know she will be ok soon :)

I really learned alot things from her, Love you Grace :)<3 <3

17 March 2012

This day might be a normal Saturday for other people, but it is not a normal for me. It is a good day that Jesus give to me.

That day, we had a sermon session like usual at church. But our Pastor Jonathan and our church Praise & Worship team went to Manjung for some performance. The wife of our Pastor took over the sermon session that time.

Our sermon session start at 7.30pm. As usual we sing songs and dance and after that only sit down sit down and listen to the session. I remember that time during the singing session, i pray to God that I believe HIM will guide me to another new love relationship that will come into my life next, I believe that HE will bless me a guy that HE want me to be with.

During the sermon session, Pastor wife- Wei Yi jie told us about one story.

She said " Once upon a time, there was a girl who have lots of boyfriends in her life. She always change her boyfriend after one month or weeks. But one day, she finally find a guy who she really love. She really just want to be with him and decide not to play around with other guys. But God tell her that, he is not the guy who God want her to be. God tell her that HE will take the guy away from her life because they are not meant to be. God tell her that she must let the guy go. This girl feel so painful. She really can;t just let the guy go because she love him so much. But at the end, she choose to let him go and always keep pray to God. After few years, God bless her a guy who really love and worship Jesus. Both of them get married and keep praise and worship Jesus everyday."

After I heard about this story,I felt like why this story sounds familiar to me. It's just like my past story. Because I really have one guy that I love so much at the past but our ending is a tragedy.

Pastor Wife continue said this " God tell the girl to let go of the guy who she really love is because to let her understand that not to depend on guys love to live your life. You must depends on God's love, then only you will get the real peace. God take away the people you love from you for reason. God give you the pains in your life for reasons. If after all this, you still thanks to God and never give up on God, HE surely will bless you and guide you go through all the pain."

After hearing all this, I smiled to myself. Because I know that, the prayers that I told to GOD earlier ago, God already answered me. He really really answered me. From this story I know that why my past relationship end up like this, end up that he left me for another girl. Now I know that, it's God's plan. HE plan this for reason. God want me to come near to HIM and keep praying.

My heart breaks once at the past, My relationship gone at the past, but all this lead me go near to GOD. God save me, heal me and guide me go through the pains. I never blame to God for whatever happened. Even the past story ending was not good, but now to me the ending are extremely good.

Yea, Gurmit left me and be with another girl. Yea, I am sad and hurt for what he had done to me. He left me but God came into my life at the same time, before Gurmit say break up with me, God already came into my life. And I became Jesus daughter. Who said this ending is not good? Who said this ending is sad?

And God also already answered me that HE will bless me another relationship that coming in my life. I heard this during this sermon session.

Jesus, thanks to you. You are my Heaven Father. My life have two father who love me, support me and always be my side all the time. One is Jesus, My Heaven Father, another one is my Daddy Lim Tong Huat. No matter how bad condition am I, both of you still love me and accept me for who I am. Really thanks for the love of Jesus and my daddy. I feel so touch and happy.

Jesus, thanks to your love. I am so sorry for whatever I have done in my life that breaks your heart. Thanks for your forgiveness. I just feel like hugging you right now and tell you that " Thank You Jesus for the answered prayer"

I really want to hug you like the picture above and just cry on your shoulder. Thanks for bless me a best family into my life. Thanks for your guide, JESUS. I LOVE YOU, HEAVEN FATHER. MY SAVIOR. <3 <3 <3

One Encounter God Camp @ Peace Heaven Genting Highlands (2nd March 2012- 4th March 2012)

2nd April 2011, 4th September 2011, 24th September 2011 and 3rd March 2012 is the most memorable day for me.

I went for One Encounter Camp at Peace Heaven Genting Highlands at 2nd March. It is a three days two nights camp. This camp is for all of us relax and encounter our Jesus papa.

First night we didn't do anything much, just check in and rest. The second day morning we had breakfast and started to pray, After that we played station games. The games all are very challenging and enjoyable =)

At night is the most enjoyment time. We have second prayer session. This time, I really heard what Dear Lord told me, he deeply touched into my heart. That feeling is so so good. All of us was crying so badly. We all hope that GOD can heal our heart for the past memories and past scar that hard for us to forgive and forget.

I was also crying, my mind just keep flashing back the past relationship memories that I had with Gurmit. The more I flashed back, the more I cried. All my tears came out. All the time i taught I already let go, but when I was at the camp, I realised that I haven't forget even though i ady forgive him.

This memories and scar still with me, and I was scared to face another relationship that will come to me. Cause I will wonder what will happened if I fall in love again? Will I be hurt like past relationship? Will I strong enough to face all the problems? All this question always in my mind and heart all the time.

When the Pastor Jonathan said " those who have the scars in their heart and hard to forgive and release, please come in front, We will pray for you with the name of Jesus, Jesus will heal you" , I know this is the right time for me to seek for GOD for healing.

I am just a human, I don't have power to erase all the pain. But with GOD, HE can heal me, I deeply believe in Jesus. I went in front of the stage and bow down with those sis and bro who came in front also. Everyone of us have our own pain memories, and we all cried.

All the seniors pray for everyone. My leader - Rachel Ong Zu Yin, she came and hug me. I just remembered when she hug me, I kept crying so loud and my tears already make her clothes wet, but we still hugging each other. She asked me to stay until the senior come and pray for me. I keep staying there, crying crying and crying because that time I alreday started to dig out all the pain memories, keep flashing back the past love relationship.

Until Mr Jackson came and pray for me. He asked about my problem and I told him. He put his hand on my head and pray for me.

He wanted me to say this " Lord, Kelly come in front of you to seek forgiveness from you. Please bare my mistake from the past, please heal my heart, please help me release the pain in my mind and heart. Lord, with the name of YOU, I will forgive the people who hurt me, I will let go the past love relationship and I will keep pray for Gurmit and may GOD always bless him"

When I heard this, I refused to say this. I was trying to fight against with my mind and heart. My heart said forget and let go, but I refused to let go. It is like a war in myself. Mr Jackson hold me tightly and asked me to say the word above. He told me, JESUS will listen to your word and HE will guide you to release the pain. He told me I have to say it if i really want to have a new life.

After Mr Jackson talked to me, I no more against. I speak out loudly the words. After the moment I say finished, I shouted loudly. I shouted loudly because I was release the pain out from my mind and heart.

Everyone also shouted loudly.

After that I stand up and go back to my place, that time I saw Grace, she also crying. She saw me and came to hug me. That time I feel so relief after shouting and crying in front of the stage.

It;s not easy for me to let go everything as I really love him and hard to forgive him. When I tried to release in front of the stage, I feel so painful, it's like someone using knife to stab me. It's so hard for me to dig out the pain that hide deeply in my heart.

I already firgive him long time ago, now I have to learn how to forget.

When Mr Jackson bless me with this words " May Jesus hear kelly prayer, and may Jesus guide her for healing and forgiveness. May Jesus bless her for the next love relationship that will come to her, AMEN!" I cried again, because all this while I really got pray, pray that one day Jesus will bless me a right guy that Jesus want me to be with.

That night, I can feel that Jesus tell me that " Dear, I will guide you and you will forget the past. I will bless you for the next relationship but first thing I want to let go the past and forgive the past.

I really heard this word, this word is what JESUS want me to hear. HE want me to release all the pain and memories. I am the new Kelly with no past.

And i was shocked that I can say the words that bless Gurmit. All thanks to JESUS for guiding me.

That night is 3rd March 2012, is the day where i release the pain.

2nd April 2011 - is the day where I accept Jesus as my Savior in my life.(start in a relationship with JESUS)

4th September 2011 - is the day where i register my name for baptism. (Engage with Jesus).

24th September 2011 - My Baptism Day ( Married to Jesus, my wedding day )

3rd March 2012 - The day Jesus help me to release my painess and guide me for forgiveness.


JESUS, thank you for your love and care all the time. I belongs to YOU forever. May YOU bless me always =)

Still got one month will be our 1st year anniversary, I will celebrate together with YOU. Really happy to have YOU in my life, JESUS. =) <3 <3

One day @ Early Step Care Centre

I went to Grace house overnight on Thursday, because Friday morning I will go to her workplace there to help her teach some down syndrome kids.

When I reached there together with her, all her colleague welcome me with their friendly character. Mostly of them are girls, some of them are guys. They came and talked to me and guide me how to teach the kids.

Some of the kids there are hyperactive case, some of theme are brain damage, low self esteem, down syndrome. Their parents send them to this Early Step Care Center to let the professional teacher teach them learn how to be independent and so on.

Some of the kids are very smart. Especially two small girls, Mun Shi Qing and Ng Shi Wei. Their english skills very good and have good social skills.

The kids all was so cute. some of them are naughty, like to run here and there.

After teaching them, I felt something in my heart.

I have seen Grace are a very strong girl. She is just a normal girl, but in her heart full of love towards everyone. She is just 20, and haven't complete her PMR exam. And she came out work and support her family in young age around 15.

Her life maybe hard, but I had never see her complain about her life once. She is so happy and always smile. I had learned so many things through her life.

I just know her last year around June at church, We are in the same group. And within two months, both of us become very good friends, Sometimes we call each other girlfriend and boyfriend hehe. Cause we really understand each other very well.

when i first come to church, I am not so socialize with everyone, I was bit quiet and only talk to people that I know. But when Grace come to church around June last year, her character influence me. She is very friendly and interact with everyone.

Until now I become so friendly and talk to everyone is all because of her.

One thing I learned from her is no matter how hard our life will be, we have to be strong to go with it, cuz it is a challenge for us =))

I really happy when I went and teach the down syndrome kids. Even though their learning skills are very slow, but they are the special kids that GOD send them to this world. They also need care and love. They are so adorable <3 <3

Mcd =D

Tdy i meet my bro - Selvan at carefour. It's been long time didn't see him around, more than one year. We got so many things to catch up just now at carefour. He treated me mcd, haha, I am so happy. Hopefully can meet him next time, and will spend time again :)

Tmmrw i will having class. Really feel lazy to go, lolz. But I have to go, can't miss the classes. If not I can't catch up the lesson later =)

Now i busy with classes, church and social life. And long time I didn;t talk to my family and didn't spend time with them. Missing them so much. Waiting for sem break to come, I can go back for holiday haha.

Time passed so fast. Everything that happened last year already became a past. I don't have any hard feeling for these things anymore. So happy to see myself walking in the happiness path.

I will keep going. And will keep happy always. I believe that when the right time comes, the right person will appear in my life. =))

Broga Hill Trip

I went to broga hill hiking with my church sis and bro yesterday early morning. We meet at church around 4 am and reached broga hill around 5.30am. We started our hiking with bunch of other people.

The whole surrounding was so dark cuz it's still early haha. The funny part was all of us forgot to bring torchlight and end up we used our flash light on the hand-phone. The mountain road was slippery and hard to climb up. But we never give up, we still keep hiking up. Thanks to the guys for helping and pulling we girls up to the mountain and finally we reached the 1st station.

I was so tired when reached the first station. After rest for 10 minutes, the rest wanna go for 2nd statoin but me, grace, one girl, kkk, iain and nelson didn't follow them cuz we are to tired..lolz...

This day was so great. I am so happy when spending time with all of them. Before that, I never taught that this people will come into my life and make so much impact to me. This people are the spiritual motivation for me. All of us are big family. Really thanks to Jesus papa for blessing me all the time, Without YOU in my life, I wouldn't have so much happiness. :)

Love you Jesus papa. You are my great father in the heaven. Everything in my life changed when I have faith in YOU. YOU always watching me and bless me with YOUR love.

YOU came into my life and showed me that there will always have a light in every darkness <3

The importants people in my life =))

It's 2012 now, time pass really fast. 2011 come to the end and now is the beginning of 2012. This is the new beginning of everyone, everyone have their own dream to achieve this year, including me.

In 2011 gone through so many things had made me grow up now, I had learned so many things in the past. Even now the things in the past doesn't mean anything to me now, but the lessons will always in my mind. :)

I always taught that, the love failure that I got in 2011 is mean that I lost the person who I loved and cared in my heart. That time I taught that, the most important people in my life had leave me. But when the moment he left me and go, GOD put other people that important to me into my life at the same time. Like my family, my friends, my future bf.

Now I realized this actually happened in 2011 and this important peoples are still with me in 2012. I hope all of them will always be with me until forever. I lost the one who I loved, but GOD let me gain so many people in my life at the same time and lead me to a happy life that I live now, It's so amazing right? :)